Episode 6 - From Failures to Faith: Finding True Identity Through Faith in Christ

In this inspiring episode, Josh shares his powerful story of overcoming childhood trauma, chasing false identities, and discovering true purpose in Christ. His journey from chaos to clarity offers hope for anyone seeking their true identity and calling.

• Bible Reference - Deuteronomy 30:19

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"And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death." - Revelation 12:11

Transcript

Family Dynamics: A Tale of Two Worlds

Tasha 0:00

Warning. This podcast episode contains reference to sexual abuse and suicide. You're listening to the Soaking Ground, a podcast for spiritually dry and weary souls. Just as the rain soaks the earth, healing and recharging it, God wants to saturate the earth with testimony of salvation and life through Jesus, the source of living water.

Josh 0:34

Im Joshua. So I grew up South Florida back in the 80s. I'm an 80s baby, and uh my father was in construction and my mother was a stay-at-home mom, but my mom was always working. She would uh strap the babies to her chest or back and she would clean houses or clean the construction sites, or I would come home from school and she would have ladies over and they were doing the nails. Early on, probably age five, I was on the construction site with my dad, picking up nails, and I think my my mom was sending me to work with my dad, and in my head is you know, that my dad would watch me. But kind of looking back and now in my 40s, I think my mom sent me ahead with my dad for me to watch my dad. I think my mom had a major distrust in my father. Growing up in construction, uh, you know, I love my dad. My dad was my hero. He was a Vietnam vet. He was shot multiple times. He's been bayoneted, gutted, crashed two helicopters, you know, Purple Heart guy. He was a very tough man. He was just strong, and and I I looked up to him as my my hero. We would watch war movies together about violence and and and all these things. And that was just kind of a normal part of my my upbringing. So I wanted to be tough like my father. I wanted to be like him. And I think as I look to this story and how I was molded into the guy I am today, I can look back and go, man, that's not how I would raise my kids. Or I wonder why they didn't protect me when that happened. But I I looked up to my dad and I grew up in a very, you know, religious household. Mom's side of the family, her grandfather was a world-renowned pastor, wrote a couple hundred books on the Bible, had TV shows, radio shows, like was very, very famous on my mom's side. So mom's side of the family knew how to pastor, but also how to play the game. How everything was about appearances and the religious side of things. I grew up in a household where we were constantly being exposed and seeing spiritual warfare. I just thought it was normal when you'd go to church and you'd see a deliverance or you'd see all sorts of stuff in the in the spiritual world.

Identity Crisis: The Chameleon Effect

Josh 2:47

I grew up thinking that that was like super normal and everybody talked about it. That's the mom's side of the family. So I have that side of being exposed to, I call it like thin space between what we see and feel in the flesh and what's going on in the spiritual world. So I had a uh a discernment there. Once you've been exposed to it, you can't unsee that. You can't unfeel that you uh they're both past now, and I want to honor them, but I also have to share the reality of things. My dad made a lot of poor choices while in marriage, before marriage, also like he just made a lot of poor decisions that was always haunting him. I'm the birth child of both of those kind of dichotomies, being just like my father, and I think my mother hated that, and then just like my mother, knowing how to play that game. So I became a chameleon. I have it tattooed on my arm. It says, Who am I? I'm a chameleon. I could fit into any category, I could fit into any group. In high school, I moved when I was 15 years old from South Florida. So I did not fit in. But I was going to church group and I was plugged in because I had that side from my mother, and I really truly wanted that. And my dad stayed back in Fort Lauderdale for I think a few years. And we just thought he was staying to finish some jobs. Looking back, I think it was they were having trouble, but they didn't talk to us about things. We would hear them argue, and my dad would run out the door, slam the door, get in the car, and peel off. So that was how we were exposed to what a marriage is, right? Not knowing any different within that, because we would chill to church and everybody played the game. Like there's no complaining. And I just thought that was normal. I'm super grateful. I had a really good like life and a really good childhood. Like there's things that have happened to me that I I wonder where was my father when like a youth leader uh would would have me spend the night at their house and like massage me inappropriately growing up as a 10-year-old kid. I always felt weird about those things and it never went too far, and I didn't know what to say. And then later on came to find out that he was doing that with a lot of boys, and I was the lucky one where it didn't cross too far of a line. It felt uncomfortable, but I didn't know what was right or wrong. But like, where was my dad when that happened? So I'm just going in in school and I wanted so bad to be like dad. I'm balancing, I love God. I was baptized by that a at that time, and I I grew up in church and youth group, and I there's so many times if I

High School Struggles: Seeking Approval

Josh 5:16

doubted God, I could easily look to the dark side and I say, just based on the evidence of seeing any type of spiritual warfare or demonic things happen, I know that they all are subject to the name of Jesus and the blood of Jesus. So there has to be a God. If you can see these kind of things happening and then the power that they that they crumble under the name and blood of Jesus, there has to be a God. So I always had a belief in God, never doubted that. Even if I did, I would just go, it's gotta be true, it's gotta be real. I think the core message of the testimony is all about identity. And my identity, I wanted to be like my dad. So I went to ROTC in school. That's where you kind of pretend to be a military person. You kind of pretend to be a soldier. Because my dad had his war stories, I had his dog tags, I joined the wrestling team. I joined the football team, actually. I sat at the bench because I wasn't good, but the coach saw how hard I worked and how much I went for it. And he said, Have you ever thought about wrestling? I go, I can't wait to wrestle. I didn't know that we had a team. My dad was state champion wrestler, wrestled in college, like really good fighter. And I was like, Man, I'd love to do wrestling. So I was following my dad's footsteps. And I also got really good at playing the game. I'd go to church youth group, and then I would uh go into school, and I and I would, because I'm religious at that point, there were certain things that I would take up to the boundary of so that way I could still claim to be a virgin or still claim to be a you know a Christian. I didn't drink, I didn't smoke, and that probably was because like I was a wrestler and that became my identity. It was Josh the wrestler. So it's like alcohol or booze or weed or any of those drugs, like that would hinder my identity of being an athlete. So I steered clear from it. Going through high school and being the chameleon within the group, right? I could fit in any group. Like there was goth kids, I was friends with all them. And there was this guy named Al, and he thought he was truly a vampire, but at least to me he was kind and we would hang on and talk. I could hang out with the preps, I could hang out with the jocks, I could hang out with any of the groups, and I could fit in. I was voted the most popular kid in school. They gave they put a crown on my head, and I was so embarrassed that like I left the thing early because I was popular by people's view, but I felt so alone because I didn't know who I was, and I didn't fit really strong into any group, so I felt like an outsider through high school. I was trying really hard for wrestling. I started ranking, doing pretty well in uh tournaments and stuff like that in my junior year. And then when I looked at where was my dad, he finally moved back up and mom and dad were fighting. We were living with our grandparents, and it just felt off. And I felt very disconnected from my dad. He only would come and see me every once in a while. It just felt very weird. It felt like I was always paying attention to him, always pouring into what he wanted, always helping him out on the job site. And it felt like he was always keeping me kind of under him. At that point, I was like, why am I even wrestling? Why am I trying to be like my dad? I knew he's cheating on my mom. I don't want to be like him anymore. I quit ROTC. I didn't do it my senior year, and I I quit wrestling, which I loved wrestling. But at one point I even called my coach dad because I spent more time with the coach than I even did with my father. And and I loved hanging out with my dad. But the only time we hung out was on the job site or if we did something that he wanted. It just felt felt weird. Now, growing up, I did sports and he would come to the sports thing, and that was cool. But it was like in that, I would see how he interacted with the other ladies and stuff like that. I just didn't want to be around that for some reason. I even at a young age, I just felt like it was off. So, like I said, I still want to honor my dad because he, I think later in his life, he really truly found he was

Career Aspirations: From Military Dreams to Real Estate

Josh 9:06

Christian. I truly believed that God saved him. So I really wanted to go special forces, you know, military. I took the ASVAB, I took the fitness test, and they're like, just sign here. And my dad begged me, you know, like the first time I saw emotion, like, because he was shot multiple times. He was probably strung out on all sorts of drugs at Vietnam. And he begged me, don't go military unless you, you know, go in as an officer. All right, because at least you're not receiving all the bullets on the front line. So I listened to him and I went and I said, okay, then I'll go get my schooling. And I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life. People are like, what do you want to do with your life? In my mind, I was like, I wanted to go military, become maybe a doctor in the military. So I started going to school. And before you know it, I had girlfriends and and life happened. And then I racked up debt and I bought a condo, and then I got into real estate because my thought was like, if I had to build it, I could sell it. Right. So here we are. I'm just working to pay for the bills and the school debt that I have and instead of pursuing the direction I want. But I was, I think, trying to make my dad happy. Moving through the story of trying to find my validation from my father, but I started getting more and more popular, gaining my own sense of confidence, and I just started becoming my own guy. And as I as I went, I was always trying to work to pay off my debts. And, you know, I'm studying in school. I I studied and I became a real estate agent like at a really young age because I'm trying to help my dad. And I'm I'm reading up on it. I'm like, cool, we could build a family business, we could get my dad off the roof. Like I really wanted to build something where my dad could maybe retire one day. Here I am, valet parking cars, and uh this old guy comes out. One of the other guys went off to get his car, and he goes, Why are you smiling? And like I truly was starting to dig into like understanding maybe who God is. I was pursuing him. I said, Well, I love God. I'm going to school and I'm making money. What is there not to smile about? And uh, we just started talking for a few minutes and up pulls the car and it's a Rolls-Royce, which I didn't even know what a Rolls-Royce was. He gets in it, he goes, 'Listen, I'm from Kentucky.' While I'm in town, would you like to go to dinner? I'm like, Yes. He was an investor and he was just interested in my life. He saw something. So someone believed in me and I latched onto it. And uh, he's like, What's your what's your plan? I was like, Well, I'd like to talk to you about my family business. My dad's been in construction, he's really good at it. And I like, I pitched him a business idea. I said, I printed out some properties. I think we should go buy these properties using, you know, your money. We'll fix them up. My dad can do the work, and then we'll sell it using my license, and then we can share in the rewards. He goes, sounds good. He goes, I'll pick you guys up tomorrow. So I told my dad, I said, be ready. We're gonna go on an investor meeting tomorrow. I didn't know what I was doing. Next day, he drives up in the Rolls Royce, we drive around, and instead of buying those duplexes that we were looking at, he saw a big piece of land. This is how different people think differently, right? If you grow up broke like I was, if you grow up always struggling financially, if you're growing up constantly in fear, constantly in pain, whatever the case may

Turning Point: The Rise and Fall of Real Estate

Josh 12:04

be, that's how you always think. So now we're in a Rolls Royce driving around looking at properties, and I just felt like a million bucks. And he said, uh, the guy's name's Charlie, he was he became a mentor of mine, one of my best friends. He he saw a property and he says, Stop looking at these junk things, because that's all you think you could afford. Yeah, he didn't say it like that, but he goes, buy that land. My dad's like, I don't have any money. He goes, I've got money. Go buy that land. So we started buying land, and my dad would develop the land and start building properties. Now we were up to that point struggling like crazy trying to make money or trying to just pay the bills. We went from struggling to like my family became successful. My dad became successful, right? And here I am still working at seven or eight bucks an hour. I was so like angry at this is something that like I put together, you know? And and to this day, like if I if I mention it, like I have to remember like the forgiveness. And like I'm super grateful for that because that that moment like played out into what I do today. And like that was God just smiling on me, not knowing anything. He allowed me to see something with an investor, with an opportunity, put it together. A young kid, you know, like I had no clue how you know how that how that all works, but it God put it together and it blessed my family for a very long time. Now we have a family business. We have real estate portfolio. I got my license, and my mom's like, I'll get the license too. So I helped my mom study for it. So finally she passes, and wouldn't, you know, my dad builds it, my mom gets the listing, she puts it aside in the front yard, and she was making 80 grand a year doing that, which I helped her get into. And my dad was making probably half a million dollars a year doing his stuff, and I'm making seven, eight bucks an hour. And now I have to work for him, going to school, and then I also had to work at a restaurant that night. And they would come at the restaurant, eat a nice dinner, and then leave a tip. I'm trying not to have resentment. Like I built that. I helped both of you get to this place and I'm left behind. I'm grateful I had a place to stay, right? This is before I bought my condom, you know, like they they took care of my needs. So I'm like, I'm not complaining about that, but I had to move on because I was I was not being able to afford just life. So I went out on my own. I started working for another real estate shop. Now I'm finished with my with my bachelor's degree. I started listing houses, you know, like putting the signs in the front yard. I was like, should be easy. And it's a it's a hard job. It really is, especially if you're not detailed like me. And I'm like just struggling in this. And I'm reading all these books on you know, building a real estate brand and business. So I'm like, why can't I apply this? But uh I was like, man, I need to start doing what I did with that one guy. You know, I need to work with investors. So driving down the road, I saw a sign that said, we'll buy houses cash. So I started calling them instead of trying to list whoever's house, I started working with investors and then going from like barely making ends meet to now we're buying tons of houses. And they would send me out there to buy up like a bunch of houses at once. The investors didn't want to do that, and I'm willing to do it. And I'm cleaning out like these repo, you know, mobile homes and there's needles on the floor, and I'm doing this because I'm like, I want to make money. So I've kind of go through this process and I get I get pretty good at working with investors, and then I just got better and better, and it was just so cool because then my my new identity was moving from contractor, like I could leave that behind, you know, the hardworking ditch digger into a professional. So now it's like I'm a real estate professional, I work with real estate investors, and um I I I kind of got to my head and I I did fairly well. And I wound up working with investors all around the world and we built, you know, a big portfolio. You know, I was 26 years old and I didn't know what I was doing, but I think we built like $8 million worth of houses in 2006, right before the crash. So I'm working hard. We opened up an office and I'm like, our name's on the door, and it's kind of cool, and we're young guys and we're walking around and we're like, we're gonna be rich. We're working with different groups, and uh, I'm just working around the clock

Reinvention: From Real Estate to Emergency Services

Josh 16:06

because you know, you wake up, you start selling to the East Coast, then you you start because the time changed, then you have an opportunity to sell the West Coast to people in California. And then I have to say a little bit later because there's people in the UK who want to talk about real estate. So I'm like just working and I'd sleep under my desk, and uh it that was just kind of like my culture. It's like in this culture, you're gonna work and grind and you're gonna work hard. So kind of fast forward 2007, the real estate market starts dipping and everybody starts freaking out, and then it just crashes. So I'm like, what am I gonna do with my life? That question kept on popping up in my story, and I'm like, I have no clue. And uh, I started going back to church, but there's now there's this like weird like push and pull because like I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life. I feel like God's not, you know, talking to me. I still have now these like relationships that I'm developing that aren't healthy, and I just had a loss of identity, and I'm like, I don't I don't know what to do. So I went back to manual labor, super humbling. I went from having the nice SUV and a condo to driving a 96 Honda Civic. Now, this was, you know, I think it was 10 or 12 years old at the time, but it had no AC and we're in Florida, but I had an oscillating fan on the dashboard. From real estate baller to that, pretty quick, I was uh very humbling. I went back to just doing any type of construction jobs, any type of jobs I could get because people were hurting. I was so bad seeking God of like, give me direction. What am I supposed to do with my life? And I just heard like nothing. And uh just I really struggled there. I went back to buying books about discover your purpose and purpose-driven life and all these things. And I'm still not giving getting clear direction on what to do with my life and you know how to move forward. So I was like, I'm just gonna go to Africa. Like in my head, I'm like, I'm just gonna go be a missionary. I got burnt by so many people, including my family financially. I've got, you know, friends that kind of betrayed me. Like I've helped so many people out financially. I get nothing in return. I'm gonna go to where people actually will value me and like like appreciate me. So I started selling my stuff and people are like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm going to Africa. I'm gonna be a missionary. And my neighbor at the time he said, if you're gonna go there, you should probably learn how to patch up a bullet hole because you're probably gonna get shot. I was like, that's probably good advice. He goes, I teach uh a first aid class. You should at least get that. Because I was looking at all these missionary programs to get into. And I'm like, it'd be helpful if I could go over there and do some type of medical work. And uh I went to first aid and I was like, man, this is pretty cool. And uh then I went to EMT school because I liked it. And then I went to fire college and I got a job, you know, driving the ambulance. I was like, oh wow, this is fun. I could drive fast, lights and sirens, you know, and I could, you know, have this like adrenaline pump. It was as close to like, you know, I wanted to go military, but that that wasn't in the cards. So I was like, this is something that I can stay home and I didn't have to go overseas somewhere, but like I was instead of going to Africa, I found my love as a codependent person, the need to be needed. Like I was validated by

The Firefighter's Journey

Josh 19:10

now saving lives and and wearing that badge that says EMS or fire. So I found my new identity. So I was pretty good at it. I got in the fire department and I became a medic. So now I'm a firefighter medic and I'm on uh rescue one, the fifth busiest truck in the nation. Being a firefighter was was great because it allowed it gave it allowed me to have fun. There's camaraderie there. Guys and gals, right? Like our brothers and sisters, you know, like it was a cool culture, but it was very uh tough culture too. I was working as a firefighter medic. I was teaching at the college, then I was running a landscaping business, and I was doing some real estate, right? So I'm I'm working around the clock. You know, I'm thriving. I'm on the pension board at the fire department. I'm just working, working, working, working, and um trying to get ahead. But it's like no matter how hard I tried, I could never get ahead. And uh, you know, kind of fast forward through that aspect of my life, like it was fun going to these, you know, these union meetings, and we would go out with like 20 to 30 firefighters, and I was the wild one. We would go to a bar, we'd go to a club, and I'd be on the dance floor, I'd be jumping on a table, and I could just get everybody moving and having fun. But I had the protection of the team behind me. So I'd I'd start fights, I'd I'd run my mouth. I was a wild man, but it was it was lonely. I I I made a lot of poor decisions, and I was like, man, I have the perfect jobs. I had like four of them. And I was like, why am I still not fulfilled? Why am I not happy? I thought that this would be my life forever. And when they were interviewing me, and I was like, look, guys, I found my passion. I

Struggles with Identity and Fulfillment

Josh 20:47

found my joy. I'm gonna always be in EMS. I'm always gonna be a firefighter, always be a you know, a paramedic. Like it's it's who I am. Like I've got, I mean, I've got life and death tattooed on my ankles. I've seen a light of life and death, and like it reminds me that our decisions we make kind of lead to life or death. It's in Deuteronomy before you stands, life and death choose life. So now I'm starting to have this like this second guessing about fire service and about this, and I just felt like this uneasiness. And people used to call me like nicknames like on again, off again. You would, you know, you can't stick to anything. But I was always trying to find my identity, always trying to find God's purpose for my life. And no matter what where I went, I always had this uneasy feeling that it wasn't right. But I didn't have anybody saying, hey, Josh, this is the direction you should go. They were always trying to fit me to be who they were, or more like them. And I'm like trying to figure out where's my fit in this world and what am I supposed to do with my life? And I couldn't answer it. And it was very frustrating. But while I was doing this, I was reading books on health and fitness because as going through the medic school, I learned a lot about diseases and a lot about health. And then we would run these calls, and I'm like, you know, why not get out on the front end of cardiac disease? So I started training the guys within the fire department. I would run physical boot camps. On average, firefighters were living like 10 years less than other people. It's because of the stress of the job, the smoke inhalation, the chemicals that we're dealing with, the type of like on like the sleep patterns that are broken. It's stressful on relationships and families. So I'm studying like, wait a second, I'm going to die 10 years earlier than everyone else. And I'm I'm looking at the people that I'm running these medical calls on. And I'm like, man, if we just did stuff healthier, I'm always looking for a problem to solve because I need to be needed, right? That's that codependency thing. So I was like, come on, guys, let's start working out. So I was, I already had my four jobs, but now I'm running boot camps and I'd have my uh my department or my station work out, the next station that came in. So like people were like traveling to be a part of it. And there's just something about me, just like I could jump up and get people dancing or move in. I could get people motivated. There was something in me that, you know, God wired me to cause movement and things, get people interested in things. So I started writing these ideas down. I'm studying books about business and stuff. And I I I talked about like this fitness idea that I created from within the fire department. I I had this big white piece of paper and I wrote out my idea about how to motivate

The Leap into Entrepreneurship

Josh 23:20

people to exercise. And I built it into a fitness program. And I was like, man, it worked. And I saw my guy starting to get results. So I spoke with uh a few of my friends and and a few investors. I was like, I think I've got a business here. And uh one of my mentors says, you gotta go for it. Like, if you don't go for it, like you're always gonna regret not going all in for something. Obviously, you don't have any more time left during your day and not you're working around the clock, like, but there's something here. So someone believed me. And I think I was wanting so bad to get out of the fire department and to find my true identity that I quit. And they everybody was shocked. I was next online to be on the SWAT team. I was one of the lead medics at the fire department. I was gonna be the the future maybe chaplain. I was on Penchup, and I was such ingrained in the identity of it. Just like I quit ROTC, just like I quit the the uh the wrestling. Like it was just like it it just wasn't I wasn't supposed to be doing it. Like I kept on chasing things that weren't validating, they weren't validating me. Like I was missing the validation from God. I was seeking it in women, I was seeking it in my job, I was seeking it in money, I was seeking it in success, I was seeking it all over the place. So by this time, and I won't go through the full story of my wife and myself, but she she hung in there for a long time with me. I put her through some really tough times. But, you know, now we're married, right? So I proposed her at a pirate party. I drank a little bit too much winds jammer, and I got uh I got some liquid courage in me that night, and I proposed to my wife. She didn't know that I was gonna do it, neither did I. I was just really drunk and I did it. And uh I proposed to her with a little plastic pirate ring, and uh, you know, she said yes. And a month later, month or two later, we were married. Uh we got eloped. Her parents were there, my parents were there, and I pastor. But anyways, I owe that lady a lot. I love her. So now we're married, and uh, and I talked to her about this idea, and she goes, I trust you, you know, like you take care of things. And uh I said, I gotta do this. So I quit the fire department, cashed out my pension. It wasn't a lot because I've only been in it maybe five or six years, and the the IRS takes a huge hit when you take out your money early. And I was like, it's okay, I'm rich. You know, like this idea is gonna work. We moved to Jacksonville. I'm partying, we signed the lease, uh, cashed out my pension, and I'm building fitness videos, like tons of fitness videos. I became a personal trainer, like a National Academy of Sports Medicine certified trainer or whatever. So now I got a new identity, Josh, the fitness technology guy. So I built that up and it didn't work. It didn't work at all. And I was learning, this was back 2012. People are getting good results, but I'm not making money, right? And uh, but I I was learning how to build videos, how to do,

Facing Failure and Despair

Josh 26:01

how to do podcasting, how to, you know, how to create YouTube channels and how to do social media marketing. So this thing failed miserably. And now we're in Jacksonville, we rented a house, my wife's pregnant, and like this business failed, and we ran out of money fast. And I couldn't get a job for the life of me. Now I've got a I've got a four-year degree, I was a firefighter medic, I built millions of dollars worth of stuff, but I couldn't get a job. It's no matter how hard I tried, I kept on getting rejected, and my confidence like fell through the floor. It was just like nothing I did worked. I would drive from Jacksonville to Gainesville to work at a moving company for a week at a time with leaving my wife, but I had to make money. And I'm just like, I felt so worthless. There's a verse in the Bible that says, like, you're better off than an unbeliever if you don't take care of your family, right? If you don't provide for your family. And like Satan knows scripture better than we do. And he's weaponizing this scripture against me and just telling me I'm worthless. And it wasn't because I wasn't trying, I was working as much as I can. I was waking up two to three in the morning, studying, I'm reading all these books, and nothing, nothing I'm working on is working. And uh, I just felt worthless. And I remember because I couldn't sleep, I'm working around the clock, which is not good for you too. I would go on these long walks around Jacksonville. So I just remember on one walk, I was walking over the the bridge that connects, you know, Jack's Beach to the other side. And I'm standing on the bridge and I'm thinking of killing myself. I'm like, I look down, I'm just seeing concrete. And I remember being a medic. I I know what it takes. So I'm like, okay, this is about the right height. And I'm just, I'm not, I didn't write out a suicide note. I didn't get to that point, but I'm like, for the first time, I just sat there and I kind of looked and I go, I wonder what it'd be like. And then I was like walking through, I was like, okay, let's just walk through it. I know what I would look like when I hit the ground and then it's over. But I was like, you know, one day an officer's gonna knock on my wife's door and he's gonna say, Your husband, we found your husband. And then my daughter would have to grow up knowing that her dad, she never really met her dad because she was a baby. And that that thought of that like freaked me out. And I remember just standing on that bridge, just kind of like running through these scenarios in my head and just feeling she would be better off without me, both my wife and my daughter. Like they'd just be better without me. So I'm I'm sitting there on the bridge and I felt God say, like, who are you? And I go, Great question. And I cuffed at him. I said, I don't know. And uh I said, I'm trying to figure that out. And I've read all the books, I've read your book, I've like studied all this stuff, I've talked to people, I've gone to counseling, I just don't know who I am. And I just kind of felt like him say, you know, if you figure that out, you're gonna help a lot of dudes. He didn't talk like that, but that's how my brain interpreted it, you know. So what it did is it gave me a breath of um a little bit of purpose. Like I was like, okay, cool. So maybe my mission is to help dudes. So I was like, okay. Like I backed away from that and I go, I kind of liked helping guys at the fire department. I liked helping people, and I I have a need to be needed. So I back off and I didn't go home and tell my wife about it. I just went back to trying to build the company and it wasn't working. And finally, I landed the job and I hated it. I started in uh cold hong, right? My job was to uh call 100 businesses a day, and I had to read a script, and it was just like the the worst thing in the world for a guy like me who wants to be creative and wants to build actual relationships and you know, not a robot, like having me follow that process. So it wasn't long before I started changing the process and started doing things my way and just going way off path, right? And my boss or my manager and then his boss were both like getting really frustrated at me, and I'm trying so hard to follow the rules because I can't afford to lose this job. But there's something in me that just couldn't do it because I knew the way that they were doing it was so wrong. And they were doing it for research. So they wanted to test every single word and every single phone call and all this stuff. Like that's what they were building. I was just in the wrong seat, but it caught the attention of the CEO. And he said, What are you doing? You know, like I was like, Man, you're these scripts are wrong. He goes, Well, what would you do differently? I was like, probably focus on getting them to talk, like trying to get the customer to talk and trying to do this. So I caused a lot of waves and I made a lot of frustration within that that company, but I wound up working in the leadership lab. They yanked me out of that job, and then I started like traveling around teaching people marketing or teaching people about cold calling, instead of doing it while working there. I saw I saw how we're all sitting behind computers and phones all day. So I was like, I'm building a fitness company that we should do a little fitness challenge. And the first fitness challenge I did within that company, we had me and three other guys, we went through a fitness challenge, and the guys got great results. So other people in the company wanted to go through it. And before you know it, the whole company went through it. And other companies that were near us went through it. And I had hundreds of people going through this program. And now here I am, newborn at the house. I'm working this full-time job, traveling all the time to New Jersey to teach, you know, this company, this or that. Now running another fitness company within this. So it wound up catching the attention of an investment group out of Dallas. And uh the group is uh venture capital group. So they they invest in ideas. They said, What are you doing with this? They went through the program. I didn't know who they were,

31:26 A New Chapter in Venture Capital

Josh 31:26

and they go, What do you what's your plans with this? I go, I have no clue. Well, we take we invest in ideas and we build companies, like we're a venture capital group. I was like, What's that? So I kind of learned about that and I was like, that's exactly what I need. I need a venture capitalist. So I had an opportunity uh to exit where I was at at that uh place. And I was probably about to get fired anyways because I just kept on making waves. And uh, got to work with uh a venture capital group, learning investments. And I was like, there I am again. Now I'm in venture capital, like a new identity. I went from all these different identities and I kept on feeling like I was chasing. But they gave me the opportunity. They said you could work with our group in Chicago or uh Dallas. And I was like, I'll choose Dallas. So me and my family packed up our stuff, said goodbye to our friends, and moved out to Dallas. So now I'm in a new area and I'm walking around, you know, trying to fit in. Now a startup founder and I'm working in venture capital. So the pride and the arrogance and the ego of me working with these big investors, I just felt like I felt so awesome. Nine months later, we're just about to have our second child, and uh I get laid off from the VC group. So they went and they laid off like 70% of their staff. So now we're in a new area. We got plugged into a church, but uh, you know, I don't have a job. So it's me, wife, and uh now two kids. Now I don't have uh, you know, an income. So that's you know, I learned by that point, I learned how to do more media stuff and I've learned more podcasting things, and I I learned a lot about like consulting work. So I stood up my own consultancy to teach people how to do venture capital stuff. And I started selling contracts. The the whole story is this is I I spent my life chasing like my identity, whether it's in what I did for a living or you know, that was probably most relevant because when you meet a guy, you're like, Hey, hey, I'm Josh, what do you do? And everything with a with a man, you know, his identity is wrapped around his career or whatever. So I was chasing identity in all of these things other than Christ. So just kind of fast forward the the story is I just I came to a point where um I could not try any harder. I got, you know, through a few bad decisions, I got burnt really bad financially. Again, now we have you know three kids. I can't pay the bills. We're getting eviction notices on the door. I see a car get towed off in the back of a tow truck, and I'm just like at my wit's end. We wound up having to move back home in 2020 with mom and dad, and I moved back home kicking and screaming, angry at God. God, you told me that I should help men. You told me that, you know, like I'm gonna invest in people and and help them build their ideas. I was so angry at God. I'm in my maybe in my late 30s, and I have a wife and three kids, and we have to live with mom and dad again. And we're going through the process of being sued by, you know, credit cards and and companies that we owed money to. And uh, I had to go bankrupt. So now 2020, and then you know, we're in the middle of COVID. We're moving back in with mom and dad. I'm going bankrupt. My wife and I are fighting, and it was just the worst time in our life. And then um one day I'm you know, I'm I'm working part-time with my dad. I'm building some media companies stuff on the side, doing podcasting, and people were like, So, like, why are you podcasting? And why are you building media stuff? And uh, just felt like that's what I was supposed to do. I had a couple shows focused on men's health because I'm going back to like I'm supposed to help dudes. I know it. So kind of like fast forward, I was like, God, why am I here? And so I'm sitting there one day with my dad on on the porch and he stops breathing. So I start pumping on his chest and I yell at my mom to call many and uh I my dad starts breathing again and he's you know cool, pale, diaphragmatic. EMS guys come, the fire department comes and they they see me and they go, Josh, what are you doing here? And they're like trying to have a conversation with me about what I'm working on. And I'm trying to like, like, I I even had to take over and tell one of the EMTs, I was like, go go get the go get this or go get that. And I'm like putting patches on my dad because he stopped breathing and like I started CPR on him to pump his heart back on. So like it was just you know, it was so stressful. Anyway, a month later, he's dead, just dies in the hospital. Shock to my family. But like I was like, I was so grateful that I listened to God come back home. So I got that extra time with my dad. And during that extra time, we fought, but I saw him like pursuing God. We mended, like we went for walks, we cried together. It was just like in that short time, I think it was like five months maybe of time that we got to live together and spend time together and watch movies again together and go to the construction site a little bit together. I would have never had that time if I didn't have all those like stacked failures. Fast forward, you know, I wanted to escape again. I wanted to take my wife and my kids. I saved up some money and I bought a RV. Uh, my plan was to travel around RV and do podcasting. I had a show that was doing pretty well and uh audience-wise, and you know, that was the plan. So I bought this big one. It was reminded me of like working with my dad because I renovated the whole thing by myself. So I'd put on headphones, I'd listen to praise and worship, or I'd do stuff, and it I just renovated that whole thing. And we were planning on taking off, you know, being on the road. My wife and I were excited about it. We had three kids and we were just gonna live in an RV together. And then like oh, maybe a month before we took off, like that was our plan. Uh I got a call from my uncle, hey, you need to come pick up your mom. My mom went on a little trip and uh she's not making sense. I think she had a stroke. So me and my sister drove up to meet them, and on the way home, she's she's really sick and like really not doing well. So we take her to the hospital, take her to the ER. We go into the VA, and uh they're like, Did you know that your mom has a big lump on her breast? Like it's the size of a you know, grapefruit. Like she was hiding it. She she had cancer pretty bad. It's like it was it was terrible. It's like we had no clue. And uh she was grieving, so grieving the death of my dad, and you know, comes to find out she had stage four breast cancer. So for the next year and a half, I became primary caregiver. And I'm just so grateful, like my medical background and all of that stuff and failure. I had no other choice. I couldn't take care of myself, but I because of how good God is, those failures forced me to live back home. And in my not being able to take care of myself, I had the privilege of being able to take care of my dad and mom in their last bit of their life. So, like looking back, I was like, man, all of the bad things and all of the struggles and all of the failures and the bankruptcy and the moving and failing and constantly being embarrassed. And people ask me, what do I do? And I'm like, I have no clue what I do for work. Still trying to figure it out. You know, I'm an entrepreneur. What's that mean? I don't know. It means I'm broke.

Finding Purpose Through Loss

Josh 38:00

All of that led to the greatest honor of being able to take from take care of mom and dad. So that kind of really reset my like I was chasing my whole life to find validation for my dad, validation from people, validation in my job, all of this stuff. And then mom and dad dropped dead. And it's just like I had like this major reset in my brain. I spent my life trying to help them from day one of bringing investors to them, and you know, to then of being able to carry my dad up and downstairs to, you know, to take him to the hospital. The, you know, the validation that I needed was not in them. It was in I found it in the Lord. Got a tattooed on my arm after that, not too long after the that bridge incident. And I I just had this thing in my heart where I'm supposed to help dudes. I say dudes, but like people, people who are creatives, people who are visionaries, people who have a calling on their life. Like my job is to speak into their idea to like they have it in their head to make it move into creativity or building businesses or investing. Like that's what my calling is. So I get opportunities to do that. So that like that, that who am I is, you know, I fast forward it even a little bit more through a hundred other job changes and business failures and brands. By now, I've created, you know, 20-something brands. I've done thousands of interviews, I've built a big network, and uh, I've become another license, which I became an investment banker. Kind of in today's world, my job is to help build companies, help build dreams for people, help connect investors like I did for that old guy back in the day to my dad. So that's my that's my job now. Is I help build companies, sell companies, take companies public and raise capital. And I would have never had any of those experiences if I didn't have all of those failures, all of that chasing and chasing and chasing. Like there was no way that I could have ever ended up here if I didn't have all those failures. We want to run from the failures and run from those things. But I mean, God has a plan for us. And I never went hungry. There's many times where, you know, like we were late on our bills or late notices on the door or phones getting shut off or fights with the wife, or, you know, like, how are we gonna pay for this or like how are we gonna fix the car or whatever the case may be? But it always worked out. And I'm glad that we pushed forward and had kids and weren't like, how are we gonna pay for them? Nobody knows how they're gonna pay for their kids, you know, nobody knows that. And then you, you know, you get freaked out if you don't have health insurance or this insurance or that insurance.

The Importance of Faith and Identity

Josh 40:30

And and God just constant constantly reminded me on that journey that He's got me. You know, like is my faith in my bank account? Whether I have, you know, there's times where I had a couple hundred grand in the bank account, and then there's times where I saw it red, and I'm going from one bank to another to try to like move money around so I could pay the bills, you know, the my identity can't be in that because it could come and go so fast. I've seen it. It can't be in the jobs that we have, especially for these hard-driving, you know, guys and gals out there, the the people who are on a mission, you know, like our identity is wrapped up in, you know, all sorts of things, and Satan will distract you even with good stuff. Our identity's got to be in Christ. So I think that's the that's the kind of the end of this story, or at least this part of it, is I found my identity through massive amounts of failures, and it is. It's to be an investor, an advisor, and to build and inspire people to do the same. It's hard. And they need someone who's got the war wounds. I can relate with uh a founder, I could relate with, you know, a CEO who put everything on his business. I could relate to that guy who's built a construction company, it's been in it for 30 years, and who's scared about selling it or who's scared about it falling apart. I you know, I could relate with all of these different stories, and it makes me a good it makes me a better investor, makes me a better friend. And I'm I'm grateful for those things because now I could see things in people that they can't see in themselves. And I could be the guy who encourages them to walk them through that thing.

Ivet 41:58

And I do want to say that God has a plan always, and the fact that you are here and you are here um the moment that my partner and I were guided to do this podcast and um how he connected us with you and um you your support and experience and everything that you just mentioned and um share with us how God also allowed me to be part of your story because you are a part of this podcast and you know that all the help that you gave us. I know that early in your story you mentioned, you got baptized. So would you say that that was the moment that you found Jesus?

Josh 42:43

I think I found Jesus the moment I was born because I was born like in a church pube, like you know, I was bold uh I was baptized multiple times, and I can't remember how many times I went to the altar to ask Jesus to come in my heart. So like I've always been pursuing, always been figuring out, but very confused to what a relationship with Christ looked like. And I think it was in those situations where I was on a bridge thinking of jumping off, or I was, you know, at two in the morning I can't sleep and I'm crying out to him because I don't know how to pay the bills that day or buy groceries for my kids that day. I think that's when I found, you know, found Jesus the most is at those deepest, darkest. I can't look back at a time and go, I didn't know go the Lord, and then I know the Lord. I think I've always been wrestling with him, mostly on like, who am I and what am I supposed to do with my life? A lot of counseling, a lot of therapy, a lot of learning about my my past, and like after my parents passed, I learned a lot of truth that came out about them and about how I was raised and about things that happened to me or things that happened to them. And things started to make sense. And the Bible says, You shall know the truth and it shall set you free. So it was really after my dad died that I learned who he really was, and I learned a lot about his story, and I had empathy for. Him. And I learned a lot about my mom. And then she died. So I I got to know the truth because I kind of grew up in a lie. So I think it was almost like constant revelations of how much God loves us and how much he loved them. But how much like our identity is wrapped up in we are a child of God and He loves us. He cares for us deeply, you know?

Ivet 44:21

How the Holy Spirit refreshes you daily.

Josh 44:24

I wake up most days like between 3 30, 4 in the morning, and I'm just at it. I'm working. I'm on a mission. I'm building stuff and I'm like a lot of people depend on me. My family depends on me. Uh my clients depend on me. And I get these these bit, these glimpses of like how great my wife and my kids are. And like every once in a while someone will reach out and say, Hey man, thank you so much for all of the investment that you've made in my life. And that just like refreshes my heart. Not that I need their validation, their approval, or but it feels so good to see to see fruit. And then the Holy Spirit will show me things about people and he'll be like, You had something to do with that because of your obedience. So like I think the refreshment is being exhausted but seeing fruit. Like I I give you a lot of credit. I've had thousands of people talk to me about building podcast shows and doing it. I give you a little bit of input, give you a little bit of homework. You did it. You and Tasha, you got the show. You're doing it.

Ivet 45:27

And I think that answers my next question that I had for you. How does your relationship with Jesus flow out to the people around you? Um, and I can speak for that because I have witnessed you in the way that you just helped us with you never ask for anything in return. And always answer that email or pick up the phone. And uh you are you're still such a blessing for us because I know for sure that if I have another question, I can go to you and you willingly will answer my question and you're willing to help. So I do want to thank you for that. So, Josh, um, is there something that you want to share with our listeners, especially people that don't know Jesus yet?

Josh 46:13

Yeah, I think um if you're like me, you are probably very driven. And you might not even know why you're driven, right? Like, but you you know that you're on a mission to accomplish something. Maybe you're on even a mission to run from a pain. You so bad want to be, you know, to have money because you you saw how bad you struggled. So you're like, you're either running from something full steam ahead, or you're running to something full steam ahead. Like you have this, like, you can't sit still, you can't be, you have no peace in your life, and you just know that you have to go hard because you're afraid. I I am you, I know that, understand that. I say that there is in the presence of the Lord, there's peace. And I really encourage you to to find what that peace looks like. And the only way you're gonna find that peace is there's only one way, and it's through Jesus. Every other way, I've had money. I've been with people, I've been sat along billionaires and worked with people who are homeless and broke. And so, like I've I've seen the full spectrums of life in many different stages, many different states, many different success levels. I've interviewed thousands of people to hear their stories, their testimonies, their strengths, their weaknesses, asking them tough questions. The only, the only answer, only answer is Jesus.

Ivet 47:24

Thank you for sharing that. Now, uh, would you like to do a prayer for our listeners?

Josh 47:30

Yeah, I'd I would absolutely love that. Heavenly Father, thank you for the people listening in. Thank you for the people here. You love us. We're we're your kids and you you care for us deeply. For the people who do not know you, Holy Spirit, I pray that you reveal your you've reveal who Jesus is through your power. Let them see, let them see evil, let them see all the bad things, let them let them not be satisfied with uh the way the world is and the darkness in it. Let their eyes be uncovered to to those things and show that you are the only light. Let them see the light, let them see Jesus, let them see the path, let them see truth. Lord God, let their eyes be uncovered. I pray for uh wisdom and discernment as we carry along with this media program and and what these ladies are doing. I pray for the right people, the right resources, the

Family Restoration and New Beginnings

Josh 48:21

right opportunities, and uh the right listeners to listen in. In the mighty name of Jesus, amen.

Ivet 48:25

Amen.

Tasha 48:33

Thank you for joining us today at the Soaking Ground. For more testimonies, please like, share, and subscribe. You may contact us at thesoakingground.info at gmail.com.