Episode 13 - Broken Before God: Realizing Jesus Was Always Calling Her

Sarah’s journey from childhood confusion and brokenness to finding true freedom in Christ is a powerful testament to the transformative power of faith. In this episode, she shares how surrendering control and seeking God filled the spiritual voids she once tried to numb with worldly pursuits. Through fasting, prayer, and understanding Jesus as her Savior, Sarah navigated doubts and unworthiness, discovering purpose in His divine plan. Her story reveals that no matter how broken you feel, God's love can transform your life. If you’ve ever felt lost or doubtful, this conversation will inspire you to take your next step toward redemption and peace. 

thesoakingground.info@gmail.com

"And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death." - Revelation 12:11

Transcript

Welcome to The Soaking Ground.

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Morning. This episode contains content related to rape. You're listening to The Soaking Ground, a podcast for spiritually dry and weary souls. Just as the rain soaks the earth, healing and recharging it, God wants to saturate the earth with testimony of salvation and life through Jesus, the source of living water. To hear more testimonies of Jesus and what he is doing in the lives of people today, please like and subscribe. To help our ministry grow, please share these testimonies with others.

Adoption and early faith journey. College and Faith Exploration

SPEAKER_03 0:49

Hi, I'm Sarah. So I was adopted when I was very young, and I was born and raised Catholic, but I did not feel like Catholicism in the way that they were doing church services was when I would read the Bible and read, you know, what Jesus was saying, Catholicism didn't look like that. Nothing about that religion made sense to me, but I knew that God was present and I absolutely believed that He had saved my life because being adopted and knowing you're adopted at a very young age, you sit there and start to question why me? Why was I allowed to be put in a family when I know that others are not? And so my journey with my face started very, very young. I don't know if I felt I always knew Jesus, but I always was on a quest to know him. And because I did have the basic foundation of the Bible, it was always in front of me. And then, you know, as I got older and I started to see kind of the religion aspects of things. And I'll say when I went to college, I wanted to continue to go to church, but I did not want to

Encounter with non-denominational beliefs. Personal Struggles and Realizations

SPEAKER_03 2:00

continue to go to a Catholic church. And so my roommate at the time, she had gotten involved kind of a non-denominational on our campus. And I remember sitting there one night, we were in our dorm room, and we had a bunch of kids from the youth group in the room, and they were basically saying that Catholicism were devil worshippers. I'm like, whoa, wait a second, hold on. That's not true because I believe that Jesus Christ died for me. So tell me where I'm worshiping the devil. When people would say things like that, it just didn't make sense to me. So that is where I was kind of prompted to um a little bit later in life go back to biblical studies school because I just wanted to know what those red letters meant. And I wanted to know what they meant to me. I did not feel like the relationship was necessarily outwardly. But when you're hearing the words of others versus looking into it and researching it and understanding it for yourself, I feel like sometimes that's where the world goes astray because some of these pastors may not have our best intent at heart, but the Bible does, you know, and the Bible that I read back when I was a kid is not the same Bible I read as an adult because I'm interpreting it differently. I'm understanding it more. The more you read the Bible, it is living, it is breathing. The words don't change. You change because you have come to a point in your life where you're like, oh, wait a second, like view with the talents, oh, this finally makes sense to me. You know, I'm seeing it differently now. And so when they say it's inspired and

Feeling unworthy and making life choices. Turning Point and Fasting

SPEAKER_03 3:34

it can meet you where you're at, it absolutely does that. I would say that before, like, you know, there was that constant search, but when when I veered off track, I veered pretty hard. Um, I was raped in college, and I think that set me on a path of wait a second, when you when your innocence is kind of taken away from you too young, and I know there are people even younger than me that this has happened to you, all of a sudden your worldview changes. And so I did not believe I was worthy in God's eyes anymore. And that was me. That wasn't God telling me that. That was me telling God I'm, you know, I'm broken, I'm unclean. And so I started to follow a path and make decisions and choices that I do not believe God would have ever made for me. But because I felt broken inside and unclean inside, I started to chase things of the world more so than the things of the Bible. There was this kind of constant running of, I knew that God had a plan for my life, but I also knew that I was broken and didn't know how to get there. And I say, even with my ex-husband, I have three beautiful children who I know God will use, but that was my choice for me, not God's choice for me. Like I made decisions because of where I was at, not because of what he wanted. So it was, I mean, I can't give you an age or a time that all of a sudden I clicked because I feel like, you know, I'm 51 years old. There have been multiple times where God has made things just click in my head and I'm gone, oh, I'm I'm I'm going the wrong way. And he's leading me back to a right way. I know when I left my ex-husband, and that was a very, very, very hard time. And I won't go into too much detail there, but it became very dangerous to be around him. And so I packed up three children and five suitcases and got

Moving to Florida and the impact of fasting. Finding Love and Purpose

SPEAKER_03 5:35

on a train and came to Florida and just said, God, I need to start now life over. And one of the very first things I did when I got my apartment here was I did, I knew about fasting. Um, and I knew it was something that was biblically sound, but I had never done it before. And I tried to do a 30-day fast, and I got to day like 29. And I was like, Oh my gosh, I don't think I'm gonna make it. Like I literally felt like I was gonna pass out. And I looked at my aunt and I said, Do you think God knows? And she was like, Sarah, did you get the answers you were seeking? And I'm like, Yeah, I believe I did. And she was like, Eat. And so I did. But ever since then, because of that, and because having these major epiphanies in that moment, I now have incorporated fasting into, you know, not all the time. Like I don't sit there and go, once a month, I'm gonna fast. But if you are seeking a deeper relationship, that is definitely something that you can use. Another thing that I do um to kind of bring me back is I will I spend a lot of time alone. And I'm actually okay with that. Um, where some people kind of need others around them all the time. I am completely okay with being alone and trying to hear the voice of God in my life. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:52

I know that you mentioned that when you were in the Catholic church, you just knew he wasn't there. But was there a moment where you felt like really I feel empty? I need to search for more constantly.

SPEAKER_03 7:08

I mean, my entire life, and even in the points where I had felt that I knew Jesus, I was still feeling empty. I would say now over the course of what has happened over the last year, it's the first time I don't feel empty. Yeah, I I honestly I wondered why the heck am I even alive? I did not see the value in me being human walking this earth.

SPEAKER_02 7:35

What was your um focus or what were meetings you focused on before

Realizing love isn't just a relationship. Surrender and Faith

SPEAKER_02 7:41

that I I am thinking when you were longing for something else?

SPEAKER_03 7:44

I looked for love in all the wrong places. Um I thought that I could find love in the people I met. I thought I could find it in the men that I dated. I realized upon having kids, yes, I loved them, but they were gifts from God. I was blessed by them. And honestly, when my oldest daughter was born, it changed my world. I stopped living more so for me and started living more so for them. But also in my own relationship with my mother, had seen how if you make your kids your soul focused, that is also not the path. They're a gift, they're given to you for a very short period of time, and then God will then take them and use them in his glory. So I knew I couldn't live for them, but they helped open my eyes to a love that I had never seen and never known. And I realized that love isn't a person, you know, it's not a relationship. It's more ethereal than that. It's when we get past the point of feeling empty and feeling broken and all of that to where I am now. The relationship that I have with God right now is is literally one where He could say, Go do this and I will go do that. Where before there was this, you know, kind of kind of constant push and pull, wrestling with God. I knew he wanted to take my life somewhere. I didn't understand where he was taking it. And so I would I would kick a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 9:15

I know you also said there wasn't a very specific moment that you felt that you realized He Jesus is my savior.

SPEAKER_03 9:24

I've always known that.

SPEAKER_02 9:25

You've always known that. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 9:27

Just had to get to a point in life where I was free from all of the pain of the past to get to a point where I knew he could use it for his glory. I've always known God was in control, but it I didn't understand it.

SPEAKER_00 9:45

Is there a point where you feel like you like surrendered and turned and walked in his way?

SPEAKER_03 9:52

December of last year, January of this year, all of a sudden everything made sense. And I was like, okay. And it wasn't

Fully surrendering to God's plan. Influential Pastors and Teachings

SPEAKER_03 10:01

one big like aha moment. It's been built on a life of I know you keep leading, I know you keep providing, I know you keep taking me this way, I know you keep me alive, I know you've helped keep my kids alive. I know that everything I have done is because you are leading me to a bigger purpose. And all of a sudden this year clicked. I've given my life over to Jesus. I've been, I was baptized in the Catholic Church when I was a baby. I was rebaptized at 40 something. It is this year that I am like, I am fully surrendered, not broken, like broken as in bad, but broken like you would break a horse. Like God had to break me of me to surrender in a way that he could then use me. And that, yeah, this year.

SPEAKER_02 10:52

Were there a specific circumstance where people wouldn't let you to the living water that Jesus suffers?

SPEAKER_03 10:59

There was a particular pastor in North Carolina. I remember one of the sermons he gave, he said, When you get past this point of a status and who you are, we sit here and think it's because of our jobs that we're amazing and we do so much to help society. And he he basically said, No, you're here and you're saved because this man died on the cross for you. And all of a sudden it was like, oh dang. Um, and then I told you about the pastor out of um Texas. It's funny because sometimes the algorithms really work in your favor, and YouTube brought him to me. I did not know who this man was. I just saw a sermon one day that I was like, Oh, I like him. And he was also a no, no fluffin' stuff. Like, maybe that's it. I like the ones who are just gonna get needy, but you know, like, hey, you need to hear this because God's

Impact of sermons and spiritual guidance. Art and Writing as Ministry

SPEAKER_03 11:55

trying to speak to you. And so for five, six years, I've been listening to him, and I'm telling you, every sermon I hear, I'm like, oh, yeah, he's on point.

SPEAKER_02 12:03

So, do you feel that God has always been like calling you? Because that's what it sounds like. And um, it sounds like until you open your ears.

SPEAKER_03 12:15

And my eyes, if you have the ears to hear and the eyes to see, yes, I would say that he was always calling me. I think what I didn't understand is how exactly I could be used. The older I get, artwork

Using talents for God's glory. Living by Faith

SPEAKER_03 12:27

is most definitely a place that is, has used me and will continue to use me. What I find funny is I went to college for journalism to become a writer and then didn't do anything with writing for almost 32 years. And then through a course of events of just things falling in your lap, I now write again. And I'm in the process of writing either one big book, but I have split them off as kind of a past and a future. And so they could either be two separate books or they can be put together and made into one big book. So now I am starting to see, I'm not gonna say I'm fully there, but I am starting to see where God knows my talents are that can help glorify him.

SPEAKER_02 13:13

So, how is

Letting go of control and trusting God. Impact on Others

SPEAKER_02 13:14

your life different now that you have this relationship with Jesus?

SPEAKER_03 13:18

So the biggest thing I've noticed, because remember, this is very new. My past, I thought I could control, I thought I could plan, I thought do it for God. Does that make sense? Like I I was very much okay, it just like with the art residency. I'm gonna get in there and I'm gonna. I knew the first year I went in what I wanted my two-year show to look like. And here we are, and my two-year show is a month away, and it doesn't look anything like, but that was me thinking I could do it. What has happened since January-ish of 2026 is I have had to been led day by day. I do not know what tomorrow I was gonna bring. And there is an overwhelming, it's a little crazy, but an overwhelming calmness to letting him guide the step of the next day. And every time I have done that for the past two, three months, it's amazing the things that have happened. What I like in it too is you start to take steps. Okay, so imagine you have nothing beneath you and you can fall. And then all of a sudden, like steps come in. You've got to take the step, even though you don't see the stair, but you gotta know that it will come because that is what faith looks like. When God says we can't live, we can't live a life of planning. We are one day at a time. The birds are taken care of. Why would I not take care of you? I'm seeing it this year, but I had I had to give up control. I had to take my hands off the wheel. I literally had to give it over to God and say, okay, what use me.

SPEAKER_02 14:57

How does your relationship with Jesus refreshment in me?

SPEAKER_03 15:01

There were so many times that I should not have been here. I just know that he has saved me. If I look forward, I sit here and go, Wow, what can you do now that I'm an open vessel? You know, like I'm no longer fighting you, I'm no longer wrestling with you. I am at a point of just peace. And day by day, can't wait to see what comes next, where he uses me.

SPEAKER_02 15:27

How does your relationship with Jesus flow out? I call it being the hands and feet of Jesus.

SPEAKER_03 15:32

In every exchange, I try with everyone, um, whether you like me or not. I give you hugs, I show you genuine love. Um I don't, I don't judge you in a way that a lot of people do. I I just meet you with a genuine love. I want to hear your story if you have something and it's it's interesting. I actually had a lady say that the other day. She's like, I don't know why I'm telling you things, but apparently I need to tell you things. And I'm like, Yeah, you do, and I'm okay with that. So in every interaction that you had when you're out in public and also loving yourself. For a lot of years, I looked in a mirror and I said I wasn't worthy and I wasn't this and I wasn't that. And how you speak to yourself is how you'll go out to the world. So are you showing yourself loving kindness because it definitely then

Sharing faith through art and interactions. Favorite Bible Verses

SPEAKER_03 16:21

affects how you go out to others?

SPEAKER_02 16:24

Because he has loved us first.

SPEAKER_03 16:26

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 16:27

Is there a time when your faith in Jesus helps someone else who was thirsty for the truth of God?

SPEAKER_03 16:32

I would say yes, and it wasn't in a necessarily me saying something from the Bible. When we did the artist talk last year, I made it very clear that faith in Jesus had gotten me through most of the things in my life and in trying to explain the paintings that I had done. Quite a few artists come up to me afterwards who were also on a spiritual quest but would not necessarily call themselves Christians. They were just looking, everyone's kind of looking for answers, right? And so we might look at all these different religions to get the answer. And so in that talk, I made no bones about the fact that Jesus has saved my life and that I am only here because of him. Um, and that my art journey is only become because of him. And one in particular came up to me, he's like, Sarah, I was crying at what you were saying. And it was a moment of, okay. And then at my the first opening of my one year for the residency, I just looked at who was in the room and I knew a lot of them were not actively openly Christians. And I was able to say that God has moved here in this town, in this room, and it was just kind of one of those, like if you get the the goosebumps on your arm, I walked away that night. And it's funny because after everyone left, uh, there were three of us who stayed behind. And one is a well-known singer, one is a worship pastor, and another is a girl who has gone on missions, and all three of them have absolutely beautiful voices, and the acoustics in that room are pretty epic. And they were just singing worship songs and praising, and I was just sitting here going, Oh my gosh, God, and it was amazing to

Verses that have guided Sarah's journey. Final Thoughts and Prayer

SPEAKER_03 18:20

see how he was glorified. So, yes, definitely.

SPEAKER_02 18:23

Do you have a favorite Bible verse?

SPEAKER_03 18:25

Oh, yeah. Well, first of all, I like Acts 2.17, and it shall come to pass in the last days, says God, that I will pour out my spirit on all flesh. Your sons and daughters shall prophesy, your young men shall see visions, your old men shall dream dreams. Genesis 2.22, which I find very fitting in my own personal life, and the Lord God made a woman from the rib, he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. Uh, Romans 8.28 is when I didn't understand the path, but he did, and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been told according to his purpose. Also during times when I was not sure where to go, Jeremiah 29.11, for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope in a future. Joshua 1 9, have I not commanded you, be strong and courageous, do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Um, someone I felt like, and I don't know why. Esther has always been the one that resonates with me. So Esther 1214, and for if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, which shows you that God will bring someone else up if you are not going to do what you were called to do. But you and your father's family shall perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this. I feel like we are there now. Um, Matthew 10:30, oh, seven are two that I have used with my kids consistently, and it basically talks that God knew exactly how many hairs you were gonna have on your head. So he knew you and knew your strengths, your weaknesses, the challenges that you would face in this life, the successes that you would have. He knew it all before you were born. Psalm 46, 10 is probably where I'm at right now. He says, Be still and know that I am God, I will be exalted among the nations, and I will be exalted among the earth. And then in facing everything that we face out there and realizing that it's not the person that's coming against you, it's it's the things that are upon them that they don't know they carry. So Ephesians 6:12, we wrestle not against flesh and blood. So we don't wrestle against each other. We wrestle against the principalities, against the powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world and against uh spiritual wickedness. I can tell you where and when along the way I picked each of these up and I just held on to them.

SPEAKER_02 20:58

Um, is there anything else that we would want to share about Jesus with our listeners, especially those who do not know Jesus?

SPEAKER_03 21:07

Don't give up. If what you don't understand, what doesn't make sense today, if you keep seeking and you keep searching, he will show you eyes to see, ears to ear. If you open, like if you are having the relationship, you are having the communication with him. And I know people that you know they have said this doesn't make sense, and they have instantly been shown something. And I know sometimes people like me, I have asked and asked and asked, but still trying to do it the way I wanted to do it. So as long as you are open to him, he will put people in front of you. And it's again, I don't know if I said this, it's not always believers. You might hear something from someone, and all of a sudden you're like, oh, wait a second, God was speaking through that person

Encouragement and closing prayer.

SPEAKER_03 21:56

to me. Uh it just don't give up if you. If you want that relationship, just don't give up.

SPEAKER_02 22:03

Can you um tell us how is your relationship directly with Jesus?

SPEAKER_03 22:09

Right now, phenomenal phenomenal. I'm free, I'm clear, and feel but I honestly feel like a new creation um for the first time in my life. I know that my past, you know, yeah, it's embarrassing. It's I didn't always do the right thing. I've had to literally humble myself, um, and I'm okay with it because it's imperfect people working towards a perfect kingdom.

SPEAKER_02 22:37

And when you hear his name, the name of Jesus, what do you think, Papa?

SPEAKER_03 22:42

He saved my life. I know that in any moment that I have had that was scared me, if I call his name, he is there. Um, I know in any moment where I feel like I can't make it, or that I'm not strong enough to handle, you know, even with becoming homeless. I went from 24 hours to 48 hours later, I had a roof over my head. Um, you know, it's it's not my own place, but I don't care. It's a roof over my head of safety. You just keep calling his name, and he will keep providing, literally.

SPEAKER_02 23:14

Would you like to pray for our listeners?

SPEAKER_03 23:16

Heavenly Father, Jesus, thank you. For anyone who's listening to this, we ask that what was talked about here just reaches them in a way that will open their eyes and open their inners and open their hearts. Um, and that it's never too late. You know, two years old or eighty-two years old of you, and never too late um to come back home. Amen.

SPEAKER_01 23:50

Thank you for joining us today at the Soaking Ground. For more testimonies, please like, share, and subscribe. You may contact us at thesoakingground.info at gmail.com.